The Sexual Life Of The Camel

Oh, the sexual life of the camel is far more complex than you’d think,

For one night, at the height of his passion he attempted to bugger the Sphynx;

But the Sphynx’s posterior orrifice had been blocked by the sands of the Nile,

Which accounts for the hump on the camel, and the Sphynx’s inscrutible

smile.

Oh, we’re all queers together; and that’s why we go round in pairs,

Yes, we’re all queers together; excuse us while we go upstairs.

Oh, the sexual life of the ostrich is difficult to understand:

At the height of the mating season, she burries her head in the sand.

If another ostrich should find her, sitting there with her arse in the air,

Can he muster the urge to grind her? Or doesn’t he bloody well care?

Through the history of syphillisation, from anthropoid ape down to man,

It is generally held that the Navy has buggered whatever it can.

But recent extensive researches by Darwin and Huxley and Hall

Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog has never been buggered at all,

Having totally failed with the hedgehog, the Navy moved on in their quest

For a suitable creature to bugger, and the hamster was thought to be best.

But the problem they found with the hamster was simply a question of size;

But when shaved and suitably oiled, insertion brought tears to their eyes.

So come all you tossers and perverts, and to the occasion rise:

Grab yourselves each a juicy young hedgehog, and give it a great big surprise.

If you follow my instructions, I guarantee you won’t fail:

Simply ream out its arse with a hosepipe, and shave all the spines from its tail.