The Good Ship Venus

Twas on the good ship Venus

By god you should have seen us,

The figure head was a whore in bed

Sucking a dead mans penis.

Frigging in the rigging,

Wanking on the planking,

Tossing on the crossing,

There was fuck all else to do.

The captain’s name was Slugger,

He was a dirty bugger,

He wasn’t fit to shovel shit

On any bugger’s lugger.

The first mate’s name was Topper,

By gad he had a whopper,

Twice round the deck, once round his neck

And up his arse like a stopper.

The second mate was Andy,

His balls were long and bandy,

They filled his arse with molten brass

For pissing in the brandy.

The captain’s randy daughter,

Was swimming in the water,

Delighted sqeals came as the eels

Entered her sexual quarter.

The cook, whose name was Freeman,

Was such a dirty demon,

He fed the crew on menstrual stew

And hymens fried in semen

The cabin boy was Kipper,

A dirty little nipper,

They stuffed his arse with broken glass

And circumcised the skipper.

The bosun’s name was Lester,

He was a hymen tester,

Through hymens thick he shoved his prick

And left it there to fester.

The purser’s name was Carter,

And Christ he was a farter,

They heard the roar in Singapore

And at Monza as a starter.

The lookout’s name was Banner,

He’d do anything for a tanner,

His favourite trick was to loosen his prick

And tighten his balls with a spanner.

The ship’s dog name was Rover,

The whole crew did him over,

They ground and ground the faithful hound

From Wellington to Dover.

So now we end this serial,

Through lack of good material,

I wish you luck and freedom from

Diseases venereal