Life Presents a Dismal Picture

(To the tune of Bread of Heaven, to be sung as an alternative to the

Welsh National Anthem)

Life presents a dismal picture: dark and dreary as the womb,

Father has an anal stricture; mother’s got a prolapsed womb.

Sister Sue has been aborted for the forty-second time,

Brother Bill has been deported for a homosexual crime.

Nurse has chronic menstruation, never laughs and never smiles,

Mine’s a dismal occupation cracking ice for Grandpa’s piles.

Are we sad? are we down-hearted? “Never!” comes the mighty shout:

Aunty Mabel has just farted; blown her arse hole inside out.